Friday, August 15, 2008

Getting Hurt

Most people are afraid of getting hurt. That is why so many people invest so much in their relationships with animals. We have 3 dogs and a cat, and I love them as part of the family, but my greatest personal growth has come from not running away from human relationships. That is where the true manna can be found. As opposed to an animal, people can hurt you. They will hurt your feelings, your sense of self worth, and your ability to love. By their words and their actions they will make you feel small. For me, because I had significant childhood issues I was dealing with, a comment could throw me back in to feeling like I was little and powerless. When you feel powerless as an adult, you either become withdrawn and depressed, or you become angry. Throughout my twenties and in to my thirties, I did both at different times. As I worked through those issues and became more of an adult emotionally, I was no longer frozen in emotional time as a kid and no longer reacting from that state. My self worth came from a knowing that I am perfect as I am and no changes are needed. I no longer saw the world through rose colored glasses of past experiences. When you live more and more in the wholeness, you recognize your holiness, and in that holiness God is found. So when you unwind all of the false beliefs you have about yourself, what you discover is God within. If you get hurt easily and you have reacted to this by putting up an emotional wall, you are cutting yourself off from Love. You think that you are "protecting" yourself, but in reality you are damming the flow. Ironically, the way to not get hurt is by getting hurt. When you allow yourself to feel everything, when you allow yourself to be in relationships where someone you love might hurt you or leave you, you learn how to deal with and grow from those hurts. What happens is that you learn to rely on yourself, not in the sense of being like Rambo, but in the sense of being your own nurturer, your own comforter. And you learn to rely on God, who is always there for you. Then when you enter in to a relationship, you can love fully, without expectation of what the other person will give to you or do. All the love they give you becomes a gift for which you are very grateful. If they leave you, will it hurt? Probably, but you now have the ability to comfort and fully love yourself. It is a great thing when equally you can love being by yourself or being with people. That is an authentic and fully open person.


  • At 6:47 PM , Anonymous Paul Maurice Martin said...

    I agree. I think that learning to literally "enjoy yourself" is important both for personal resilience and the ability to relate well to others. It seems to me that people often spend their lives bouncing from one relationship to another without having that foundation.

  • At 11:03 AM , Anonymous Mari S said...

    "So when you unwind all of the false beliefs you have about yourself, what you discover is God within." I love this statement, and today I am experiencing how true this is in my life. As I let go of the old, "bad" self image I am able to feel a loving God inside me and around me. Before this I knew there was a God, I just could not find that "God Feeling" inside me. Little miracles are happening every day, and whether that's because I am noticing them more, or because they are happening more frequently, I am grateful for each one.


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